Ins@nity Complex

I just had to write this news report. It pained me so because what I really wanted to write was more like:

Today Square-Enix announced the US release date of the 20th anniversary editions of Final Fantasy I and II. Which is great! Because it’s what, the 20th time they are releasing these games? And what’s worse, this time they are packaged separate again! SUCKS DONT IT?

I mean, £30 for I and II yet again is a bit steep, but £30 each?

£30 for Final Fantasy II? The worst Square game known to man kind (alright, second. but lets not talk about Captain Planets Dirgeing)? Even all these "extra" features mean nothing. The "new dungeon" is probably the one from the GBA re-release and the "new CGI" is certainly from the PlayStation re-release. Most fans probably have two, maybe three copies of this blasted thing anyway. Why do we have to play it again Square? WHY?!

Now maybe if you were to secretly include that one and only hental game you made it would be worth the price........but without that....thirty pounds. Meh. How many more times does Square expect us to buy these games for an inflated price? Stick them on Virtual Console for £3 god damn it. It’s over. Make something new or beat some other product to death.

I seriously hope they have more planned for the 20th anniversary than this abomination because this just sucks. Anyone caught actually purchasing these will be handed over to Sputin for "interrogation". And that will involve sucking lemons.

Hard.

So its Final Fantasy's big 20th birthday and how does Square-Enix celebrate it? They announce what is effectively a port of two different remakes for a handheld that isn't exactly racing of the shelves.

If anyone celebrates my birthday like this, I will rip your head off and spit down your neck while your still breathing.

I'm all for remakes and ports, heck, I've brought a few myself, but Final Fantasy I and II have already been released in their original form, as "Final Fantasy I-II", "Final Fantasy Origins", "Final Fantasy I&2: Dawn Of Souls", as well as appear on the WonderSwan Colour and certain Mobile Phones.

And to rub the salt in some more, there is actually no new content in these packages. It's basically a mash together of the GBA port and the PSone CG. To cap it off, you have to buy the games SEPERATELY.

Oh, and it probably will be Japan only. Woo...

For Christ sake Square, celebrate this year by giving us something even half new. Hell, why not shove out PSP ports of Final Fantasy VII, VIII and IX? You don't even have to use the PSP download service. I will pay £30 for the UMD's. Thats £30 each.

Because frankly Final Fantasy Anniversary Edition is nothing more than a sad cash cow. And this cow has diaria.